D&D Character Notes

I recently started playing D&D with my coworkers, and I have completely fallen in love with my character Blossom, a chaotic little gmone druid. She was such a fun character to play! After our session, I found myself inspired by everything that happened, so I decided to rewrite my notes in her voice. Enjoy!

Entry 001: THE GRAVEYARD. THE GRAVE. THE GRAVEYARD!!

Ohhhh my spores!! So. MUCH. happened.

We were in a tavern (not moldy enough—needs moss), and the barkeep gave us BEER. Free beer! Free! I don’t even like beer that much, but I drank it because free things taste better. Anyway, he said she was looking for a dragon-y man like Xanxatos. Xan is very tall and very shiny. I like his blue scales. I think he has good mushrooms.

He said something about a graveyard and I said, “YES.” Graveyards are full of stories and fingers. But I’ll get to that—be patient. Or don’t. Whatever.

I went outside and there was this kid (tiny human, not gnome) SITTING on moss. Just squashing it!! FLATTENING it with her butt!! So I ran over and said, “No no no, don’t sit on the moss! The moss is beautiful! You should never sit on moss! That’s like sitting on the face of the forest!” She got up, eventually. I think she respected my passion, but tried to hit me with a stick which was weird. But then she showed me her dirt scribbles. Big creepy eyes. Delightful! She said there were burning pilgrims in the graveyard. I LOVE IT HERE.

So I went to the graveyard, obviously, and the graves were empty. BUT! One grave had a HAND. I poked it. A finger FELL OFF. I took it. Of course I did. What am I gonna do, not take the finger?? It’s in my bag now. Might name it.

Then a ZOMBIE climbed out and waddled to the church. I followed it like a polite gnome. Inside the church, the zombie BOWED to Mother Anith (weird priestess lady, pale, definitely suspicious, probably full of secrets) and the zombie turned into ASH. Just poof. She mixed some of the ash with her own BLOOD and then she went all poofy too. Drama queen stuff. 10/10.

THEN THE WALL SHOOK. A secret passage! DUNGEON TIME!

Dooren (one arm, flesh vibe, something weird in the air about him—I’ll find out eventually) led us down. I tried to figure out if he was dead. He said NO by picking me up with a MAGIC GHOST HAND and shook me like a sleepy possum. Rude, but fair.

There was a scuffle (not my fault), and while everyone was distracted, I PICKPOCKETED XAN. He had mushrooms. I knew he had mushrooms. I took ONE red toadstool. For scientific reasons. He didn’t notice. That makes him my favorite now.

We got to a room with trunks. We opened one, because of course, and there were screaming worm babies inside and they called their GIANT MANTIS MOMMA. Soooo we fought it. I tried to entangle it but caught Xan instead (oops—but he was high on mushrooms and didn’t mind, so it’s fine). Then I sprayed POISON. Then someone else killed it. But I helped. A little. 

Then—THEN!! I heard a voice in my HEAD. She said, “Come to me, my child,” and I was like ?????? and followed a weird sweet smell. There was a mosaic of a redhead butterfly girl god thing. Very pretty, very dead looking. 

Then I entered a room and a COCOON LADY CAME OUT and tried to KILL ME. I was down to three hit points!! THREE!! I poisoned her (it didn’t work), I made goodberries (they DID work), and I fed one to Short King because he was being dramatic and dying.

Then Dooren SMASHED HER GOOD with his bow or hand or something—I don’t know, he’s mysterious—and she burst into an ember flame. He stole her flame and said, “Thank you,” and I was like, you’re welcome?? I guess???

The ground started breaking and the world was ending again or something. El found a switch on a coffin (I respect her for that), and the DOOR OPENED and I SMELLED LIFE. MOSS. ROOTS. AIR. I RAN.

And then—guess what—Mother Anith was THERE and said, “Thank you, our saviors.” I was like, “YES. You’re welcome. I touched a finger and didn’t die. You’re welcome twice.”

Now I’m level two. 

Note to self: Name the finger. Maybe Crispin. Feels right.